Burt's Health
by ashcanwrite
Summary: Or lack there of. Burt is getting tired of Kurt always pressuring him to eat healthier. But one day, Burt discovers something that just might change his mind.


**Dear readers, **

**Go on, HATE me. I haven't updated a certain story in a while. I apologize greatly! I have no excuse concidering I have nothing to do anymore. I just been having no inspiration to write whatsoever!**

**Maybe those who have read 'Mentally Ill' can help me out! Please! Unless you have left me.. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! **

**But anyway, I was enjoying a healthy snack and realized, "Holy crap, I can make a story out of this!" And here we are. **

**Enjoy, my pretties!**

**xoxo**

**ashcanwrite**

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><p>There's one thing that Burt Hummel hates about his son, and that thing is: healthy eats. Kurt is always encouraging healthy eating, well, forcing in Burt's eyes. All Burt wants is to go into his kitchen, pull out a red bull and some beef jerky, and enjoy the breakfast of champions. But ever since his heart attack, Kurt has been more so enhancing his healthy food rules. Burt could care less about soy this and low fat that. Everything has to be approved by Kurt before Burt could eat it. But it's not just his son, it's his wife as well.<p>

Carole has also taken charge on Burt's eating habits. So while Kurt is at school, or out at his boyfriend Blaine's house, Carole makes sure that Burt is on the right eating schedule. And just when Burt thinks he has free reign to eat whatever he wants at work, he finds out that Kurt has paid a couple workers to keep an eye out for him. This was getting ridiculous. No matter where Burt went, he always had someone watching him. All the man wants is a few sugary treats once in a while. Oh, and salty. And spicy. And sweet.

It's gotten to the point where Burt has slipped Blaine a couple bucks to go and get him some junk food. It worked, too, until Blaine walked into the kitchen with Burt sitting at the kitchen table, head down ashamed with Kurt standing next to him, arms crossed, glaring at his boyfriend. Both Burt and Blaine received a long talk, much scolding involved.

Burt understands that Kurt is just looking out for him, but couldn't he cut him some slack? Burt eventually gives up on sneaking and begging for sweet treats like some pathetic dog. Kurt keeps buying him all of these healthy snacks that Burt didn't give a second glance. What's so great about, low sodium, or 100 calories? And all of that vegetable and fruit crap? Please, Burt would rather cut his foot off and eat that.

So when Burt goes into his kitchen one morning looking for something to eat, he can't help but be a little curious at what he sees in the refrigerator. He bends over and picks up a tiny orange sphere. He holds it in his large hand, confusion sweeping over his features. It looks like one of those oranges Kurt says is really good for your heart. But it's so small, Burt thinks it's more like a donut hole. Looking around and over his shoulder, Burt begins to peel the small fruit. Underneath the bright orange peels, reveals what still looks like a small orange. Deciding to test the waters a bit, Burt takes a tiny piece and pops it into his mouth. In an instant, his eyes widen and he looks down at the fruit in his hand.

"What the hell…" He humbles.

Burt then wastes no time and shoves the whole fruit into his mouth. Never in his life has he tasted a fruit and be so blown away. It was sweet and juicy and all around, well, delicious. Burt opens the refrigerator and pulls out another seven or eight. He then hears footsteps approaching. He quickly shoves a couple in his pockets, and down his garage jumpsuit.

"Hey, dad," Kurt's voice is heard.

Burt turns around quickly. "Uh, hi, um, hey, kid."

Kurt gives his father a curious glance, "Are you alright?"

"Fine, great, uh, you going to school?" Burt stumbles over his words.

"Well, it is Monday." Kurt sighs, and walks past his dad, opening the refrigerator. "That's weird."

"What!" Burt says all too loud.

"I just bought a bag of clementine's yesterday, and there's like two left," Kurt puts a hand ontop on his head in concentration.

"You bought what now?" Burt asks.

"Clementine's." Kurt repeats himself. "They're like little oranges, only sweeter in my opinion."

"Huh, well, that's pretty weird." Burt begins walking backwards, "But, uh, I should get going."

"Um, okay, see ya late-" Kurt stops and looks down. Slowing rolling towards his feet, is a small orange ball. Kurt bends over and picks it up, recognizing the fruit. He looks up at his dad, who is staring down at the fruit, wide eyed. "Dad, why did this just roll away from you?"

"Gees, I have no clue." Burt shakes his head, "That sure is strange isn't it." As Burt chuckles, another rolls down his pant leg and onto the floor.

Kurt raises an eye brow and immediately Burt flushes. "Dad, did you take all my clementine's?"

"What? Me? No, not at all." Burt continues backwards.

"Dad, what did I tell you about throwing out the healthy food?" Kurt scolds his father. "They're there for a reason."

At that moment, Burt sees his escape. "Oh, yeah, um, sorry, I just uh, saw them, and I uh, yeah, wanted to throw them away."

Kurt gives his father another confused look, but then smiles when Burt begins to look around uncomfortably. "Wait, I know what's going on here."

"What? Nope, you don't." Burt says fast.

"You like them don't you." Kurt smiles even bigger.

"That is just ridiculous." Burt frowns, "Why would I like these?" He grabs the clementine out of Kurts hands. "Now, I'm going to go and dispose of these in the best way possible." Burt turns to leave the kitchen.

"So you mean by eating them?" Kurt calls out.

"Shut up!" Burts voice is heard from the front door.

"We're discussing this later, dad!" Kurt yells, smiling. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. He then turns towards the refrigerator. And then it hits him. "My dad took all of my breakfast." Kurt says in realization. "That little thief."

Kurt stomps out of the kitchen and towards the front door. Sure he was glad his dad was finally enjoying healthy food, but damn it, why'd it have to be his?

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><p><strong>Well, there you have it! I hope you enjoyed.<strong>

**Also, definitely buy those little clementines. They are truly amazing.**

**Thanks so much for reading!**

**xoxo**

**ashcanwrite**


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